A Father's Gift
by IBG
Summary: The most valuable gifts cannot be bought


I do not own Star Wars.

In the realm of fanfiction this question has been posed and answered many times, but this possibility just occurred to me.

A FATHER'S GIFT

The night-cycle sky on Coruscant has few stars… City lights and the controlled, polluted atmosphere douse most natural light long before it can be detected by the human eye. So when I sit here staring out into the night I'm not watching the stars, as I so often did as a child (and still do when my location allows).

Truthfully I'm not even seeing the incessant traffic and distant advertisement boards that play before my eyes. My mental shields are high as they always are in the Temple. There is so much I dare not share, not even with Master. Tonight there is even more. Her words replay themselves in my mind.

'Ani, I'm pregnant….'

I'm ecstatic. I can feel the grin that's wanted to plaster itself on my face all evening tugging at the corner of my mouth again, and I control it, but I know my eyes have been just a little too bright, and Obi-Wan is curious about my exceptionally high spirits, though he won't ask.

I'm worried too, but I will not burden Padme with that.

I'm going to have to resign from the Order. So much has happened in this war that I'm not as reluctant as I might once have been. I've only stayed because it's what Master and Padme said I should do.

I've been an ascetic (Jedi) for the last 13 years, and a slave before that. I don't have any money or valuable possessions, and I don't have an inheritance to go back to, but I'm resourceful. I have talent and skill, and a few friends outside the Order, and I married an independently wealthy wife, so I'm not overly concerned about finances.

My worries lie in less tangible but, perhaps, more important areas.

Will I be a good Father?

I don't know how. I don't even have a Father myself. Mom loved me, and she taught me so much, but she was Mom. Master Yoda, Master Qui-Gon and the Chancellor come to mind briefly, but it is Obi-Wan who holds the place of Father in my heart. I know I was not easy to raise. Master was not perfect, but he set an excellent example with his patience and principled lifestyle.

I've never been very good at following his instructions and examples, though. Will my Parenting will be yet another demonstration of that, the way my Mastering was?

Memories of a bright, reckless female Togruta juvenile come, along with vivid recall of my abysmal failure in her training and protection. For Snips even comfort in the moment of death and a funeral pyre were beyond me to provide. The ache on my end of our shattered training-bond renews itself, and waves of sorrow, fear and anger threaten to overwhelm me.

Force, NO. For my youngling's sake this cannot end like that…

I know I may be sent on another dangerous mission anywhere in the galaxy at a moments notice, for an undetermined length of time. What if something happens to me? I have no fear of death for myself, and never have, but the thought of Padme being left alone in her current state sends waves of nausea through my gut.

We need to keep the pregnancy secret, especially from the Council. If they sense the little one's strength in the force, they might approach Padme in my absence. There were once those who thought it right to take younglings without consent… The Order's ideals have fallen so far I am no longer sure her refusal will be enough to stop them taking our child. I most certainly do not want my youngling raised in the emotional wasteland of the Temple's Crèche….

I shudder at that thought, but this is among my lesser concerns.

Even at our brief meeting this afternoon I could tell. Padme can't move freely now, never mind defend herself or run, and it will get worse in the coming month. Her security team is professional and well prepared, but what will happen if there is another Seperatist attack on Coruscant? Worse, what if there are more attacks on the Senate or assassination attemptss against her? Even worse, what if the Sith attack her directly the way Ventress threatened? What would become of our little one then? The surge of nausea is even stronger.

I breathe through the feelings, blink them back and clear my head so I can plan…...

As soon as it is late enough that the uninitiated and/or intentionally blind can reasonably imagine I seek to indulge at a bar, brothel, junk yard or race I stroll casually from my quarters, and out into the Coruscanti night.

Soon I am home.

In my wife's presence I can forget most of my brooding and simply enjoy our time together. We talk and laugh. I drink in her smile and her every move. I watch the way her clothing falls over her rounded body. Her hair is shinier and thicker than it was before, and her plump face glows. Even her presence in the force is different. I can feel that she is not alone. Our little one is strongly force sensitive, bringing Padme even closer to touching the force herself. Our bond is heightened, so I can sense much of what is happening to her physically and emotionally. It is thrilling and jarring at the same time, setting my nerves on edge. I don't know if this is normal. It has been so long since Jedi had families. If there is a 'What to expect' text for humanoid males it is so deeply hidden and restricted that even Yoda and Jucosta Nu may not have access. I'd ask Master Halcyon, but he too has been taken by the war….

Somehow my wife senses the shift in my mood. She turns to me and gives me a quizzical look and a small smile. My frustration recedes, and joy and wonder come to the fore again. She is beautiful.

I am so busy watching her that she is beside me caressing my face before I realize she is ready for us to go to bed. I've missed her terribly, and I've longed for this moment for the better part of a year, but I am suddenly nervous and unsure. I meet her eyes, and she smiles at me again, encouragingly this time.

'It's alright,' she whispers, lowering her lips to mine. 'We won't hurt the baby…'

She kisses me passionately, and I'm lost in our lovemaking.

Later, when my Angel has found a comfortable spot and started to doze I reach for her rounded belly. She is adamant about 'not peeking', and I intend to comply with her wishes, but I have to do this. She would agree for the baby's safety, but I'm not going to worry her by asking permission.

I find the little one's force signature and focus. There is an immediate response, an instinctive attempt to bond, and a ripple of movement down the front of Padme's abdomen. I send waves of calm along the bond, and savor the contact sadly. Until this war is over I will not do this again. I linger longer than I should and am gifted with sensations similar to those I have received when on duty in the Crèche. I can't be sure without looking more closely, but I suspect our baby is a girl. I know I will not be able to reign in my curiosity if I do not stop right now and proceed with the task at hand.

I imagine a transparent barrier like the shields of my starfighter and mould her natural emanations in the force along the same lines. Ever so carefully I wrap her signature in this cocoon, and feel her presence dim sharply, even to me. I am saddened by the loss of contact, but remind myself that it is necessary and temporary. For just a moment I feel as if I'm missing something, and I wonder if I've done it right, but I am exhausted, and with at least some protection in place I resolve to research these matters as discretely as possible, and make corrections when I am better informed. I allow myself to drift into sleep.

(By morning Anakin Skywalker is too terrified by visions of his wife's death in child-birth to think of anything clearly. The anomalies in daughter Leia's manifestation and use of her force abilities could never be explained.)


End file.
